My Imagination And Me
by SpydaBass
Summary: Crazy crossover story, starring some MMX characters. Just complete insanity here - YOU ARE WARNED.


Okay people - here is DEFINITIVE proof that I'm not dead. :D For those reading Dissonant Dreamers, I'm gonna update as soon as I can - I've just been very busy for the past few months, what with a new school year to get used to.

Anyway - right here is a reason that I've been busy lately. It's one of the silliest stories I've ever written, so don't expect anything even _remotely_ sophisticated here. Simply put, it's crazy. >_ So now for a disclaimer - none of these characters are mine, with the exception of Augustus Green. You probably know all their owners and copyrights and such except for Starnik, Necro Bob, Zera, and Blaze - all are from Starnik's Station (I'd post the URL, but FF.net seems to screw up whenever I put it in - search for it on Google, it's a bitchin' site) where I submitted this little thing in a contest and won. I guess it was because I kind of sucked up. :P Oh well. 

So - here we go! Enjoy and don't puke, please - I just had the rugs cleaned. Have a plastic bag ready, please.

* * *

**"My Imagination and Me"**

Augustus Green was a sick, sick man. 

Nobody knew it, of course. He was so skilled at hiding it that all of his coworkers at SpectarTech - his place of work for almost fourteen years - thought of him as a decent, hardworking, and overall sane human being. He got his work done on time (and, on some not-so-rare occasions, early), frequently partook in office water-cooler chat, was in every morning at 8 A.M. and refused to leave until all his work was completely finished (and thensome). His boss quickly became a good friend of his as well. 

If Green had a noticeable quirk, however, it would be that he was very anti-social outside of the office. He rejected every lunch date, dinner date, movie offer, baseball game, birthday party, parties in general, church festival, amusement park, dance club, raspberry picking... anything that involved public activity with a coworker - or with anybody, really - he rejected, albeit as politely as possible. Eventually, all of his friends at the office found it useless to even approach him about social events, figuring that he was just a very private person. No harm in that, right? 

BZZZ. Wrong. 

See, when Green left that office, he became an entirely different - and much, MUCH more disturbing - human being. Things weren't always like this; in his first few weeks of work, he returned home like a normal person, did some work, made some dinner, and went to bed. And there wasn't much to change it - that is, until the day the office requested that he buy his own computer. 

Now, a computer may seem harmless to most, but to Augustus it became a frightening deathtrap that immediately seized him and never let go. The internet fascinated him - he surfed pages, talked to random friends, and learned all he could about these "fandoms" he had heard so much about. Gradually his hours online increased - at first it was just a half-hour a day, but soon escalated to an hour, two hours, three hours, four hours, five hours... eventually, almost his entire night consisted of saying up and online, learning all he could possibly learn about this new universe. 

So anyway, long story short. Green became so enraptured by this world that he soon started to create his own - a perfect world, set on a sunny beach, where all of his friends would join him without any dissonance whatsoever. But instead of using his real coworker-friends, he would use more EXCITING friends - friends that he knew from comic books, videogames, movies, television shows. He would create this world in his dreams every night, partying all day and dancing all evening. It was flawless. 

...OR SO HE THOUGHT! (dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn.) 

See, these friends of his became so convincingly real in his mind that they started to form free wills of their own. Green didn't know it, but things were about to change in his little slice of paradise, and FAST. 

So, uh... yeah, this is that story. Love it, because I need the money. 

************** 

"Welcome back to Augustus Beach, one and all!" 

The exuberant Augustus Green stood atop the bandstand, waving to his beloved friends. They all crowded around the blue-eyed owner of the island in a semi-large group, waving back politely with half-smiles on their faces. It would be just like this tomorrow, and the next day, and the next... but Augustus liked it like that, and thus would never stop. 

"We've got some great activities lined up for ya today!" Augustus shouted, showing off his brazen muscles accentuated by his perfect blonde hair and handsome face. "But I don't think you need to hear it from me - let's have two of my _special_ ladies give you the 411!" 

With that, he moved aside as two beautiful women came running up the sides of the stand - they were Tifa Lockheart and Aeris Gainsborough, both wearing rather uncharacteristic skin-tight bikinis (well, in Tifa's case, it wasn't terribly out of character). A collective moan rose from the crowd - as gorgeous as these two girls were, the inhabitants of Augustus Isle had gotten sick of them pretty quickly. Both were just too incredibly annoying to find entertaining. 

"HI EVERYBODY!" Tifa screeched, blasting the microphone feedback and ripping apart the eardrums of almost everybody in the crowd. "Oops... sorry!" she said gleefully. "Won't happen again! Anyway, like Greenykins said, we're gonna have TONS of fun today! Right, Aeris?" 

"That's RIGHT, Tifa!" replied Aeris, whose giddiness sounded somewhat more forced that Tifa's. "Today'll be just like every day on this beach - dancing to loud party music, eating junk food without EVER gaining weight, and SWIMMING!" 

"Yup!" Tifa exclaimed in agreement. "We're also starting the Grand Volleyball Tournament today - winners get SPECIAL PRIZES from Augustus-baby himself! If you like the sound of that, then gimme a HEY YEAH!" 

Tifa, in all her self-glory, jubilantly thrusted the mic over the crowd. Rather than the resounding "HEY YEAH" she expected, though, the only sound that came from the audience were a few weak mutterings of "Hey... uh... yeah", accentuated by some stifled laughter and coughs. Tifa looked unfazed. 

"I SAID..." she said with even more grating enthusiasm, "Gimme a HEY YEAAHH!" 

"Hey... yeah," muttered most of the crowd half-heartedly. Many others still just cleared their throats or made offensive gestures, but Tifa was completely oblivious to them. It was easier that way. 

"Yeah... thanks, girls!" Augustus beamed, clapping with goofy vigor. "Alright, everybody - let's get this show on the road!" Pounding his feet on the ground like an excited puppy, Green started to dance as music blared from a set of large speakers behind him: o/~ CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! ~\o 

************** 

"'Good times'... pshh," Zero huffed, watching Green skip off the bandstand with Tifa and Aeris attached to him. "When was the last time we had any 'good times' here?" 

Megaman X shook his head, adjusting his swim trunks; on the beach, it was required for all partiers to wear a bathing suit at all times - seeing somebody wearing normal attire was a rare thing indeed. "I think I might've had a good time here a few months ago," X admitted. "See, Cloud and I were building a sandcastle and discussing just how badly we wanted to blow this entire place up. You know, seeing Augustus and all his treasures erupt in an ungodly inferno." He gave a dreamy smile. "Ahh, good times." 

"That IS a nice thought," Zero agreed, taking a look around the beach - it was beautiful, with palm trees, a clear blue ocean, the whole nine yards. "Sure, this place was relaxing at first... but now it's just insane. Don't we have a race of people or something that we need to get back to saving?" 

"I think so..." X pondered. "But I can't remember - I think Green's been trying to mess with our personalities. I mean... I'm getting VIOLENT thoughts, Zero! I was talking to Cloud about blowing things up - that's not like me at all!" 

"I _know_, dude!" Zero said. "It's happening to me, too! Just yesterday I was dancing to the effin' _Village People!_ And I think I enjoyed it!" 

"...oh, holy Green," X cursed, not realizing the name he'd just uttered. "This is a lot worse than I thought. What should we do?" 

"Maybe we need a second opinion," Zero said, looking around frantically. "Oh, look - there's Cid! CIIID!" 

Zero waved his arms at Cid Highwind, who turned around from his conversation with Mario to flash the two an eternally grumpy look. He approached them, kicking up some sand angrily as he came, looking positively undignified in his yellow polka-dot trunks. "Yeah, whaddya want," he said grumpily. 

"Cid, you ever consider the possibility of somehow getting off of this island?" Zero asked. 

Cid's eyes widened with awe. "Aww, HECK yes, goshdarnit!" he shouted. "This place is a friggin' prison! I can't fly any airships or nuthin' - heck, I can't even SMOKE anymore!" He rifled his hands through his hair with rage. "Honestly! I haven't lit up one in MONTHS! Darn, heck, DAGNABBIT!" 

"Not to mention the whole swear-filter thing," X chimed in. "You really don't sound right, Cid." 

"YOU'RE DARN-TOOTIN'!" the frustrated airship engineer shouted. "Just watch this - fffff... FFFFF... _FFFFFF..._" Cid sucked in as much air as he could, his face going beat-red before letting the word come out: "_FFFFFYUCKLE!_" 

X and Zero just stared at him, stricken dumb. "...fyuckle?" they both said in unison, exchanging looks of horror. 

"GAHHHH!" Cid screamed, a tear falling from his eye. "That is IT! We've gotta do something about this guy! He's gonna slowly butcher us all!" 

"Mario agrees with-a Cid!" said the pudgy Mario, walking in from behind Cid. "Mario cannot-a stand these-a bathing suits-a! His-a vast array of-a fat-a hangs out-a like-a CRAZY!" He shook his head in disgust, bobbing his trademark 'stache up and down. "Mario does-a not want to be-a like-a the Marlon Brando!" 

"Ahh, good! So it ISN'T just us!" Zero said with relief, raising his eyebrows. 

"That's right, ya!" proclaimed Wakka, walking in on the conversation. "This Augustus fellah doesn't sit right with me. Doesn't know how to treat his guests with respect, ya? Seriously, I can't stand these volleyball tournaments anymore - if I don't get to play a good round of blitzball soon, I think I'll have to beat Green to a bloody pulp and force my way outta this place, ya?" 

"Me too!" exclaimed Chrono, coming from behind. "This is insane - just listen to me! I'm TALKING! And I NEVER talk! I took a friggin' vow of silence when I was 2 years old - but I CAN'T HELP IT NOW!" He fell to his knees, weeping and rubbing his spiky red hair. "I AM UNCLEAN!!" 

"I'd also like to call a foul!" shouted Sonic the Hedgehog. "Augustus robbed me of the only thing that kept me alive - my SPEED. Here, I can barely _walk_ a mile without breaking a sweat. This guy has got to go!" 

"Alright, alright, ALRIGHT!" X yelled over the voices around him; already a pretty large crowd of people was starting to surround him and Zero, obviously interested in all of the anti-Augustus sentiment. "I know that everybody on this island's got something to say about Green, and it would take me years to hear all of them. What we _should_ be discussing is what we ought to do now..." 

"LET'S KILL 'EM!" shouted Burner Man, the torch on his head spewing flame at full-blast. "BURN 'EM! THEN BURN HIS WOMENS! THEN BURN HIS HOUSESES! THEN BURN HIS KITTENSES! THEN BURN HIS DIRTY MAGAZINESES! THEN BURN -" 

"Err, Burner..." Zero said, gulping a bit. "I'm afraid that we were never planning on doing much burning." 

Burner looked thunderstruck. "Oh... really. Um. Okay then, that's fine, just fine..." He walked away from the crowd, slouching his shoulders as he walked along the sand. 

"Oh-kay then," X muttered. "Does anybody else have something to add?" 

"YES!" announced Goku, who using his immense strength, pushed everybody out of his way to reach the front of the crowd. "I say we demand that Augustus supply more food for us! See, at first he gave us hotdogs. I ate all of those. Then he gave us a giant plate of hamburgers - I ate all of those, too. Then he started with the schnitzel stand, and I pretty much devoured that whole thing in a second. Then once he had a big bucket of seashells, and I ate all of those. Those were good. Then once I think he was laying out some pieces of lumber to build the bandstand, and I..." 

"Oh, con-sarnit," Cid 'cursed', his body shaken with desperation. "I... need... a... friggin'... smoke... _right now._" 

"I just say he should learn how to dance right," said a man standing next to Cid, with flashy swim trunks and bleach-blonde hair. "I mean, COME ON! Heee is nottt doing grrrrreat! The crowwwwwd is booooooing him!" 

"...what?" Zero said, confused at this man's presence. "Who are YOU supposed to be?" 

"...err, I'm the Dance Dance Revolution announcer," he said regretfully. "Yeah, I guess my voice is a little off today. Curse that Green!" 

"Well, if you can't be recognized, then nobody's gonna recognize _me_," huffed a disgruntled looking reploid in green trunks. 

"Hey, wait! I remember you!" X said with a smile on his face. "You're, uh... oh, yeah. You're that guy who was killed on that bike. They call you the Green Dude, right?" 

"RIGHT," The Green Dude said with frustration. "I don't know WHY I was shoved in here. It's insane! It's ridiculous! I was featured in a Megaman game for a SPLIT-SECOND. I mean, WHO would remember me enough to force me on an island?! I tell you, somebody needs to take this Augustus guy and put him out -" 

"Hi everybody!" called a sickeningly chipper voice from behind X and Zero; the crowd turned to see Augustus Green himself, beaming like an idiot and walking towards them. His arms, as usual, were locked with Tifa and Aeris, both snuggling and groping his finely-toned body. "Whatcha all talking about?" 

Everybody paused for a few seconds or so, just looking away from Green and acting as innocently as possible. But eventually, it was Wakka who broke the ice: "Er... well, actually, I was on my way to a volleyball game," he said while slowly stepping away from the scene. 

"Hey, me too!" The DDR announcer said, following suit. "I was gonna, uh, supervise. Yeah. Make sure you all keep your footing in check..." 

"I wanna make a ham sandwich!" Goku announced gleefully, abandoning all tact and just dashing away. 

"Yeah, I gotta hair appointment, or something..." The Green Dude muttered. Before long, almost everybody was muttering their own excuses to leave, waving goodbye to X and Zero while skipping off to other parts of the beach. Eventually, the only two left there were X and Zero themselves; gulping nervously, they both turned to Augustus, still looking as jubilant as ever with a smile of pearly whites. 

"Ah, well, I guess everybody's busy today!" said Tifa, with a mock-pout on her face. "That's too bad! Oh well, I guess we can't really blame them, right Aeris?" 

"Yeah... right!" Aeris agreed, still with forced ditziness. "Because there's just SOOOO much to do on this island! Well, all the more Greenykins for us!" 

"Ahh! That's right, ladies!" Augustus bellowed, showing of his pearly-white teeth. "Always plenty of Green to go around. Anyway - X! Zero! Nice to see you again. How's the party? Enjoying yourselves?" 

Zero forced a smile. "Oh... yes. Yes we are," he said painfully. "X and I just, uh... well, you think we could kind of have a man-to-man... to-man talk?" 

"JUST the three of us," X emphasized, shooting a subtle-yet-accusatory glance and Tifa and Aeris. "It's kind of important." 

"Important, eh?" Green said, raising his eyebrows. "Hmm, well, I guess a bit of a personal chat wouldn't hurt. Tifa, Aeris..." he addressed the girls. "Sorry, but Greenykins needs to talk about MAN problems with some chums! Why don't the two of you get back to arguing about which one of you loves me most? I think Aeris had the floor when you left off last..." 

"Oh YEAH!" said Aeris, stroking her hair and at least _trying_ to look genuine. "I was telling Tifa about how I love you more because I got you that PREEEEETTY seashell from the beach the other day! And I liked it a lot, but I still gave it to you!" 

"Yes, yes..." X said dismissively. "You guys go argue about that." 

"That's NOTHING, Aeris!" Tifa protested as the two walked away. "I love Greeny more 'cuz I remember that time when we were on the beach, and that crab clamped onto his nose, and I grabbed a stick and beat it really, REALLY hard... I broke his nose, but I beat up that stupid red thing really good! Then we cooked it and ate it! I bet YOU'VE never put that much energy into saving Greenykins's life AND providing him with seafood AT THE SAME TIME!" 

"That's stupid!" Aeris shouted. "I remember one time, Auggy left his sandwich on a table and it fell onto the sand and got a lot of seaweed on it, but I was there to put it back on his plate for him! And he really seemed to like it..." 

"Ahh, women!" Green said, the sun reflecting off of his tanned skin. "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em! Right, boys?" 

"Yeah, great, they're great..." Zero muttered. "Anyway, Green. We REALLY have to talk." 

"Go ahead!" Green said with cheer, beaming at the two. 

"Okay then... well, Augustus, we'd just like to say first off that you're a very, very nice guy," X began. "I mean, seriously. You took all of us - a bunch of people who probably shouldn't be in the same place together - and forced us to work together and have fun and party and everything. And this island is beautiful, it's great, it's paradise." 

"Oh, of course it is!" Green agreed, seemingly unaware of the hostility in X's voice. "Beautiful, stretches on for miles and miles, maybe even for an eternity-" 

"Yeah, and it's great," X interrupted. "But all we say is, well... I think the time have come for us to go our separate ways." 

Green blinked. "Zuh?" 

"We wanna leave, is what he's trying to say," Zero explained. 

"Leave..." Green said to himself, his tone of voice faltering a bit. "Leave? You want to LEAVE?! Ha! Don't be ridiculous, guys! This is _paradise_. Why would you want to leave this great world I've created for you?" 

"Oh, we're not denying its greatness," X admitted. "It's very... spiffy. But see, a lot of us here just want to go back to our old worlds, you know? That's kind of where we belong, and-" 

"Something's wrong with the island, is it?" Green cut in, his voice sounding more and more desperate with every word. "Something about it isn't to your liking! That MUST be it! You need louder music, you need more women around you, you need more food to stuff down your metallic throats! Well, I can arrange that for you, you know! I have CONNECTIONS, boy howdy, I can fix things up for you with just the snap of my finger..." 

"Augustus, it's not a problem with the island!" Zero exclaimed. "The beach is nice, the parties are fun, the food is plentiful. We just wanna go back home. This place was okay at first, but it isn't right to keep us trapped here for the rest of our lives! We just want to leave, okay?" 

"Oh no. No you don't," Green said with an almost commanding voice, his eyes suddenly shifting to an unnatural shade of red. "There is no real problem here. This island is perfect. This island is your home." 

Before X and Zero knew it, Green had somehow rendered them brainless, putting the two into some kind of daze. "This island is our home," they both said in unison, staring straight into Green's freakish eyes. 

"Yes..." Green continued. "You never want to leave this place. You're only upset because you want more. You aren't relaxed well enough. And your good friend Augustus is going to take care of all that for you." 

"You will take care of all that for us..." both said in monotone voice. 

"Good, good!" Green said ecstatically, abandoning his hypnotic words. "I think we've really made some progress here today! Well then, I probably should get going - Tifa and Aeris might end up killing each other without my _constant_ supervision." He flashed another goofy grin as he walked away. "You take care now!" 

Both X and Zero nodded in unison; less than a second later, the two blinked their eyes with confusion, coming back to their senses and looking around for Green. He was gone. 

"What - what WAS that?!" X almost shouted, had not Zero motioned for him to keep his voice down. "SERIOUSLY! What the holy-heck did he just do?!" 

"I... I don't know," Zero stuttered. "Just WHAT kind of evil genius is this guy, anyway?!" 

"I DON'T KNOW!" X shouted, quickly covering his mouth afterwards as if somehow it would cancel out the noise. "Zero, this is much, MUCH worse than we ever imagined. This guy is too powerful! What're we supposed to do?!" 

"_I DON'T KNOW, MAN!"_ Zero shouted with fear. "He's making me feel... surprisingly afraid! I've gotta calm down... I'm the TOUGH guy..." 

"...what're you numbskulls yellin' about?" said the gruff voice of Cid Highwind walking up behind them, beachball in hand. "You get a crab up yer hole or somethin'? I could hear ya from across the beach." 

"CID!" X exclaimed pathetically, falling to his knees and grabbing Cid's legs. "Cid, man! YOU GOTTA HELP US!!" 

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA..." Cid said with surprise, shaking the broken reploid off of him. "Now just WHAT the fu..._fu_... FUDGE happened here?" 

"Cid, this is a state of emergency," Zero said simply, genuine fear in his eyes. "Green did something to us - some kinda mind-control-hypnosis... thing. Like a Jedi or something." He shuddered. "Not ONLY can he control our minds, but he's ALSO ripping off a trademarked movie franchise! I won't stand for this!" 

"Well, what do you think we should do...?" Cid asked, still trying to get the whiny Zero off his legs but still failing miserably. 

"I'll tell you what we should do!" said the oddly chipper voice of Goku, who suddenly wedged himself in between Zero and Cid without thinking for a second that the conversation was none of his business. "We should go see the COUNCIL! They ALWAYS know what to do! Right?" 

X, Zero, and Cid stared dumbfounded at Goku. "...The _Council_?" Cid emphasized, his mouth hanging open. "The Council of Evil?" 

"Sure!" Goku confirmed. "They're really smart." 

"Goku, they're a group of _maniacs_," X said, standing up on his own two feet again. "Why would we ever side with THEM? Zero, tell him!" 

"Now waitaminute, X. Goku might have a point here," Zero said, sounding surprisingly understanding towards the oafish Saiyan. "Sure, the Council of Evil is... well, evil. But they've been trying to destroy Augustus ever since he put them here! They've GOTTA have a way to help us out." 

"Well... yeah, I guess yer right there," Cid agreed. "They have a tendency to screw up all their plans, though. But I guess we could work around that. That, and they might have cigarettes." 

"Alright then! It's settled. The four of us will pay them a visit." Zero looked around the island, seeing nothing but palm trees, sunlit sand, and the ocean surrounding them. "Err, just ONE question. Where do they live, anyway?" 

"Right over there!" Goku announced gleefully, pointing a muscular finger behind him. Just a few feet away from them was a giant, spooky-looking shack, with a large crudely-written sign with "TEH EBIL KOWNSUL DIS WEY OMFG" scribbled on it. 

"...oh, come on," X muttered, shaking his head. "That's gotta be the oldest joke in the book. Okay, FINE! Let's get this over with already! I wanna get home in time for my Saved By the Bell reruns." 

************** 

"HARK! Who be the Devil who disturbs our sacred peace?!" said a boyish, overzealous voice from inside the door. "Begone now or face my wrath!" 

"Wrath, Eric? You couldn't fight us if your Cheesy Poofs depended on it," Zero rebuttaled; he and the other three stood in front of the Council's shack, waiting eagerly to be admitted. "Now open the door! We just need your help with something." 

"...help?" the boy said with confusion. The door swung open to reveal a very short, pudgy child of about 8 years or so, wearing a blue winter's cap on his head and a black coat. His face looked positively ornery. "You don't need our help, you Servants to the Dictator! GET LOST, HIPPIES!" 

"Cartman, just listen for a second!" Zero exclaimed, staring down at the unnaturally short little kid. "We're here because we want to take down Augustus, and the only way we can figure out how is through you guys." 

"HA! Right! Like I haven't heard THAT one before," the boy protested, reaching for the doorknob. "I'll make you guys a deal - I slam this door in your faces, and you can all go make sweet love to Green just like you ALWAYS DO!" 

"Oh, that is IT," Cid grunted. In a swift motion, he reached out and angrily lifted the small boy off the ground, knocking a surprised Zero out of the way. "LET US IN, YOU STUPID BRATTY SUNNUVA TRAMP!" he shouted into Cartman's face. 

"GAHH! Alright, alright, you can go in!" Cartman shouted with fear, shaking his fat body frantically. "Just let GO of me, you crazy old guy! Jesus-tapdancing-CHRIST." 

"Good," Cid dismissed, letting the boy fall to the ground with a _thump!_. "And I'm NOT old, moron. I'm in my early thirties." 

"Wha, seriously?" Cartman said with amusement. "Dude, no offense, but you act like you were _born_ in the early thirties. I'm-a-seriously." 

"Just get out of our way!" Cid yelled, shoving the boy to the side and motioning for the others to follow him. 

"That wasn't very nice of you, Cid!" Goku protested as they entered. "That poor little fat kid looked really scared." 

"I AM _NOT_ FAT, you buttpipe!" Cartman cursed, brushing himself off. "I just have hella-swollen skin, you see. It's a condition that plagues all well-fed 90-pound eight year olds like myself. Anyway, let's go in already and get this stupid thing over with." 

The four, led by a disgruntled Cartman, were led down a dimly-lit hallway with irregular drawings scribbled all over the walls. Eventually they reached a large room, with one solitary lightbulb hanging in the middle and a long, rectangular table placed under it. Sitting at the table were a host of assorted evil villans, each one with a deck of cards in hand. 

"Welcome to the HALL OF EVIL!" Cartman announced dramatically, grabbing a flashlight and shining it over his face. "Here we house the horrors of the unimaginable, the most foul and vile of stenches, the most bone-chilling of Michael Bolton albums..." 

"Eric, cut it out, would you?" snarled Sephiroth, his trademark Masamune laying next to the poker chips on the table. "You always try to scare newbies, don't you? This place smells perfectly fine to me, and NONE of us like Michael Bolton." He huffed as he looked at his cards. "Besides, I've got a pretty important game to win here, if you don't mind." 

"Kyahaha! He's right!" shouted Kefka, donned in his usual clownish makeup and extravagant green-and-red robes. "But instead of him, I'm gonna win that sword! Then I'm gonna take it with me to my world, and SLICE THE THROATS of every stupid civilian that gets in my way! Then I'm gonna SLAUGHTER THE GOATS and make a GOAT KABOB! Then I'm gonna temper it with poison and SHOVE IT DOWN THE THROATS OF OLD LADIES! Then I'm gonna -" 

"Kefka, stop being an idiot," interrupted Vegeta, donned in a blue gi and watching his cards intently. "You can't bring anything from other worlds into your own. It'd screw up the balance of the universe. Or something." He took a sip out of a shotglass. "Anyway, I don't even need that stupid sword. So I don't know why I should even be playing." 

"Hey, you respect my sword!" Sephiroth commanded, pointing a damning finger at the Saiyan. "Anyway, Eric - what's with these guys, and why still wearing bathing suits? Don't tell me you brought _Greenites_ into this place!" 

"Yeah, that's X and Zero!" exclaimed Vile, sitting up in his chair in a feeble attempt to mask his dwarfish height. "I'm not gonna associate myself with that slime!" 

"They say they wanna help us," Cartman explained. "Or they need OUR help - I forget either way, really. Well, whaddya say, guys? Should we trust them?" 

"NO WAY, MAN!" Vile shouted, his eyes emitting an angry, crimson glow from under his helmet. "Who let these wastes of life in here?! CLEAR 'EM OUT!!!" 

"Vile, shut up, will you?" Vegeta snapped. "Look, I don't know if they can be trusted - they have the MORON with them." He glared at Goku. "But then again, he's too stupid to lie. If he ever did, it'd be completely obvious." 

Goku grimaced. "Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say about Cid! He's not THAT stupid." 

"...oh consarnit, I NEED A SMOKE!" Cid shouted, beating himself angrily on the head with his fists. "AND I GOTTA GET RID OF THIS SWEAR FILTER! I'm gonna KILL that Green..." 

"Oh jeez..." Sephiroth said, observing Cid's anger. "You guys seem to really be against Green, eh?" 

"Well, we are NOW," Zero explained, frowning. "About ten minutes ago, it was hard to tell either way. But we just realized how dangerous the guy is, and we're determined to take him down by any means possible." 

"There's something SERIOUSLY wrong with the guy," X emphasized. "We figured that since you guys already hate Green, you'd be the best people to talk to." 

An uncomfortable silence followed; the villans all gave the 'heroes' very unwelcome glares, each one looking more surly than the last. "They sound phony! Infidels!" shouted Kefka, shattering the hefty silence. "BURN THEM ALL! LYNCH THEIR NEXT OF KIN! DUMP LEAD INTO THEIR TAP WATER! _TORTURE THEM WITH CRUDELY DRAWN PICTURES OF A NAKEN OPRAH WINFREY!!!_" 

"...Kefka, _shut up_," scolded a disgruntled Bowser, sitting next to the madman and puffing smoke through his giant nostrils. "I'm not one to advocate peaceful ways of solving things, but ye GODS. You scare me." 

"Seriously, dude," Cartman chimed in, approaching the head of the table. "You've gotta get the sand out of your -" 

"Eric, don't finish that sentence," Vegeta interrupted. "Remember the last time you said that to Kefka?" 

"GYAHHHH!" Kefka screeched. "Oh, that little piggy will NEVER forget the roasting I gave him." 

"HEY! DON'T CALL ME A PIGGY, GODDA-" 

"ALRIGHT! That's enough!" shouted Cid, catching the villans by surprise. "I can't take any more of this! Are you gonna help us or not?!" 

Another pause. Cartman looked back to his comrades, only to find all their faces somewhat indifferent; he then turned back to the heroes, raising his eyebrows. "Okay then, fellahs - we'll play your dirty games. Just under one condition." 

"What?" X asked cautiously. 

"It's quite simple," Cartman explained, rubbing his chin. "All that has to happen is... the Monkey Guy needs to give me a piggy-back ride. That's all!" 

"...wha? You mean, as in Goku?" Zero said with confusion. "You want Goku to... to _what_?" 

"Give me a piggy-back ride." He smiled devilishly. "You see, it has been my dream since infanthood that I would one day right atop the shoulders of a Demon and scream out orders from the top of my lungs while destroying small towns and villages. I kinda scrapped the Demon idea a while ago, but Goku's a big, strong, stupid waste of cells. He'll do perfectly." 

"Hey, that sounds like FUN!" Goku exclaimed, sitting on his knees and smiling like an idiot. "Hop on, little guy!" 

"...sweet," Cartman muttered, jumping on Goku's shoulders. "Finally, someone who can handle my big-bonedness! Now - ONWARD, SOLDIER! SOLIDIFY MY AUTHORITAH!!!" 

"Whoo-HOO!" Goku replied jubilantly, grabbing onto Cartman's pudgy legs and running around the room like a banshee while the boy shouted "GO, DEMON, GOOOO!" from the top of his lungs. Vegeta scowled. 

"Oh, come on, how the HELL is he a better fighter than me?!" he cursed, clenching his teeth angrily. 

"This is quite a display!" Vile exclaimed, watching the scraggly-haired warrior charge around their quarters with the fat boy screeching insanely, his face turning beet red. "I mean... well, Christ. First I see coming in here two people that I've been waiting to annihilate for years, a crazy old guy with some kind of disturbing craving for nicotine and goggles on his forehead, and a banshee idiot of a man who seems to have a liking for piggy-back rides. And to top it off, you're all in poorly designed swim trunks." His eyes glowed a bit as he turned to his colleagues. "Well, everybody? Should we trust them?" 

"YES!!" came a resounding, unanimous cry from every other council member. "THEY ARE WORTHY!" 

"Their pointless insanity is PERFECT for our cause!" Kefka announced vigorously, his eyes glowing with white madness. "It's SKRUMTRELESCENT! I love it!" 

"Anything you guys need - we'll provide!" Bowser heartily assured, a devilish smile on his monstrous face. "Just say the word." 

"THE WORD!" the others gleefully shouted in unison. 

"The wo - well, okay..." X muttered, undoubtedly surprised at the table's sudden change of temperament. "Well, I guess we would need weapons, or something. But I'm not sure if we'd be able to -" 

_"Weeeeeeapons, you say?"_ a frightening voice interrupted from seemingly nowhere; in the blink of an eye, a swarm of bats came flooding into the middle of the room, assuming the outlines of two figures that eventually solidified to their full selves before breaking the poker table under them in half, much to the shock and dismay of the villans around them. 

"HEY THERE!" the bigger figure announced, a hulking dragon-like robot with black armor and green, unsettling eyes. He had a powerful set of wings on his back, with a beam-scythe clutched tightly in his clawed fingers. His sharpened feet dug into the table pieces below him. "I heard someone mention weaponry, and I knew my services were needed. Allow me to introduce myself - I am none other than the great Necromancer Bob, the Ferryman of all things Evil! And this is my trusty sidekick-" 

"Sidekick? Pshh," the other, shorter figure said with dissent. He was a blonde-haired human, wearing green-and-black armor with some stars plated on it awkwardly. A pair of sunglasses shielded his eyes. "I never agreed to being apart of all this evil villanly business, okay? I don't even know why I'm HERE, and I just - GAH!" He looked down angrily at the pieces of the halved table. "Jeez, Necro, we've broken another perfectly good table again! I don't wanna have to keep paying for all this, you know I don't have any money..." 

"-Starnik!" Necro announced, completely ignoring everything his 'sidekick' had said. "So, anyway! Who was it here that mentioned weaponry?! I'M ALL EARS!" 

Necro glanced around the room, only to be met with a crew of perturbed faces. Ignoring them, he eagerly glanced over to see X, Zero, and Cid standing alone and looking somewhat frightened. 

"Wha... what kinda crazy-idiot entrance was THAT?!" Cid exclaimed. "GOD, I dunno if I can take much more of this!" 

"Ah, we're the ones who mentioned the weapons, Nurco-whatever," Zero said cautiously. "So you're a weapons distributor, or something?" 

"Oh, of COURSE I am!" Necro exclaimed with pride. "I've been developing weapons to use against Green ever since Starnik and I were dragged into this hellhole..." 

"Hellhole?" Starnik questioned, adjusting his shades and frowning. "I don't know what's with you, Bob. There's no shame in living on a beautiful island for the rest of your life, okay?! I wanna STAY here! The REAL WORLD can go SCREW ITSELF! The stress is too much!" 

"I've taken the time," Necro continued as he approached the three, "to create the most POWERFUL weapon ever! I guarantee that it'll decimate Augustus in less than a second." Cracking his fingers, he reached into a pouch in his other hand and produced what looked like a small, bluish pebble. It emitted a very soft, eerie glow that almost seemed entrancing. "This, my friends, is THE AMNESIOR!" 

"_AMNEEEESIOR!_" came a chorus of evil voices from behind. 

"'Amnesior'...?" X questioned, staring at the tiny rock. "Wow... no offense, but it's a bit smaller than I expected it to be. 

"Hey, don't judge it by its size!" Necro fumed. "It's more powerful than you could EVER IMAGINE! This is the thing that's gonna get us out of this rut of a place!" 

"Well, just tell us - what does the thing DO?!" Cid barked. 

"Yeah, tell us!" Starnik agreed, scowling at Bob. "You never really bothered to tell me, anyway." 

"It's quite amazing," Necro boasted, studying his creation with a squinted green eye. "See, what it does is it wipes away history! Destroys memories, if you will. If Green as much as TOUCHES this baby, KABOOM! He's gone, his island is gone, and WE'RE gone!" 

"...uh huh," Zero said warily. "But isn't that a little counter-productive? I mean, if his memories are destroyed, won't we go with them?" 

"THAT'S THE POINT!" Necro exclaimed, his eyes filled with gleeful madness. "If his memories are destroyed, it'll be like we never came here in the first place! We'll be back to our old worlds and stuff! And not only that, but it gives COMPLETE INVINCIBILITY to whoever's holding it!" 

"...jeebus, Necro. I'd like to trust you, I really would," Starnik said with regret. "But I can't let you do this, man! How are you 100% sure this is gonna work? It'd better not completely screw us over like all of your OTHER schemes!" 

"MY OTHER SCHEMES WERE BRILLIANT!" 

"What, like the one with the cat toe fungus in the giant slingshot?!" 

"SHUT UP! THAT CAT HAD LOU GEHRIG'S DISEASE! YOU BOOGERFACE!" 

"Oh, yeah, that's REALLY mature..." 

"I HOPE THE NEXT TOILET YOU SIT ON IS INFESTED WITH LEECHES AND ICY/HOT!" 

"GUYS, ENOUGH!" X shouted over the two. "Come on! Are we gonna use this thing, or what?" 

"Oh, of COURSE we are," Necro emphasized. "I've been waiting to use this thing for ages, and now I FINALLY HAVE THAT CHANCE! LET'S BE OFF!" 

And with that, Necro grabbed Starnik by the arm and charged out the door. The other three, shrugging their shoulders, followed suit, with Goku and the insane Cartman trailing right behind. 

"IN THE NAME OF THE COUNTRAH!" Eric shouted, kicking Goku's back. "YAA, SOLDIER!" 

"WHOOPEE!" Goku exclaimed, shooting through the hallway with his boy in tow. "This is gonna be a blast! Blowing up bad people is what DREAMS are made of!!" 

************** 

Augustus Green had never expected this. 

His mouth hung open in shock as the devilish Necro Bob, in all his evil glory, came marching right in front of him. His eyes were deathly green, and his scythe still clutched in one hand. 

"Gahh - YOU!" Green exclaimed, his eyes narrowing. "Hey, you can't be out here now, Bob! Get back in your secret layer! You're supposed to be creating vain attempts to destroy me!" 

"Oh, those days are over, Green!" Necro announced, pulling out his small blue pebble. "THIS is gonna end EVERYTHING!" 

"What - that little thing?!" Green mocked. "That's all you've got? Pshh. Get back in your layer, Bob, and quit wasting my time! Tifa and Aeris are waiting for me to make them sloppy joes!" 

"COME, MY DEMONIC MINIONS!" Necro suddenly squealed, forcing Green to cover his ears. "COME AND DISEMBOWEL THE ONE WHO HAS IMPRISONED YOU!!" 

After this call, a soft rumbling could be heard in the distance; but soon, it became louder and louder, and eventually Green looked on with utter horror as a giant swarm of people - all his 'friends' on the island - came charging through the palm trees, generating a cacophony of screams and other sounds. They all gathered behind Necro, who held his weapon tightly in his hand. 

"NO! THIS CAN'T BE!" Green shouted, slowly backing away from the crowd. "You all belong to ME, AUGUSTUS GREEN! I OWN THIS ISLAND AND EVERYTHING ON IT! _NOW, I COMMAND YOU TO DANCE AND ENJOY YOURSELVES!_" 

"No more, Augustus!" shouted Cid, standing next to Necro. "I'm goin' home if it's the last thing I do! I WANNA SMOKE AND SWEAR AND BE A DISTURBED OLD PILOT AGAIN!!" 

"Use the Amnesior, Necro!" called X, coming to the front of the group. "Get us out of here NOW!" 

"YES-A!" agreed Mario, jumping up and down. "Free-us-a-all! Get-a-the-Green, eh?!" 

"THIS IS THE END, GREEN!" Necro wailed, leaping powerfully into the air and thrusting the blue rock at Augustus's finely-toned body. "Say goodbye!" 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Green screamed; in an instant, the entire beach disappeared, replaced with swirling colors and distorted gravity. Green's form stretched and contorted, and soon enough the entire world faded to total blackness as his screams could still be heard... 

************** 

"Alright, Spyda," Starnik broke in, tapping the storywriter on the shoulder. "Wrap it up already, would you?" 

SpydaBass turned away from his computer to face him. "Oh, Starnik! You're talking about the contest entry, eh? Well, actually, I'd like add a little more after this scene, if you don't mind. See, Necro's gonna mistakably send the group to France, and then they'll have all sorts of wacky adv-" 

"NO, Spyda!" Starnik commanded, a look of poison on his face. "You've made this stupid, sorry excuse for a 'beach party fic' long enough, okay? SERIOUSLY. Just wrap it up!" 

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay?" Spyda said, gulping. "I like to put a lot of effort into my work..." 

"EFFORT? Pshaw!" Necro Bob chimed in, swinging his scythe around angrily. "None of the characters you put in this thing act even _remotely_ like they should. Especially ME! What happened to my Zombie Army of Delicious Evil?!" 

"YES! WHERE WAS ZOMBIE MAN?!" shouted Zombie Man himself from behind. "I NEEDS MY BRAINSESES!" 

"And why didn't you include Zera and I?" said the fire-lion Blaze. "In case you didn't realize, WE'RE gonna be judging this piece of trash too!" 

"Well, I couldn't fit ALL you guys in-" 

"Oh, don't give us that! You didn't need that DDR announcer!" Zera cut in. "Listen, Spyda, this has gone too far, alright? You've already completely ignored the rubric for the contest. Not only is it over ten pages, but there's not even any partying in it! I swear, I'm THIS close to disqualifying you..." 

"Alright, ALRIGHT THEN!" Spyda shouted nervously. "I know I've taken this thing a _little_ too far..." 

"...an overstatement there," Blaze pointed out. 

"...but hear me out. If I just add one little epilogue-y thing to end it all, would that be okay?" 

"YES. Fine! Just do it already!" Starnik demanded angrily. "You've already pretty much obliterated the fourth wall with THIS scene, so there's really nothing to lose now..." 

"Alright," Spyda agreed, turning towards his computer and beginning to type once again. 

************** 

And so ended the trivial saga that was Augustus Green's self-destructive psuedoparadise. Surprisingly, just as Necro Bob has predicted, every character was sent back to their original universe, and for once Starnik reluctantly admitted that his evil friend had actually been right about something. X and Zero returned to their war-torn world, The Green Dude was ushered back into his lovely Reploid Afterlife, Cid went home to curse consistently and smoke all he wanted, the DDR announcer returned to shout encouragingly at terrible dancers in overpriced arcade machines, Goku went back to annoying the hell out of his friends and family, Cartman returned to his world of Cheesy Puffs and hated friends, and Mario... well, he went back to jumping on things. A lot. Still, none of these characters ever saw each other again, and really didn't mind it at all. 

As for Augustus - after the Amnesior took effect, he woke up in the middle of the night without any memories of his past self left intact. Confused and hungry, he hopped out his window, stole a sandwich from a local delicatessen, and ran off into the darkness. Eventually, he found his way to California, where he decided to clean up his act and to offer something to humanity. As of now, he's running on the Independent ticket as a gubernatorial candidate for the state. 

So there's a lesson to be learned from this story, folks - don't imagine a bunch of your favorite characters having fun on a beach with you! They'll eventually get fed up, wipe your memory clean, and escape, and you'll... uh, run to control one of the largest states in America. Yeah. I guess that's it. 

**_TEH ENEDD OMFG!!11!1!_**


End file.
